


A Loaf of Bread and Thou

by hanarobi



Category: The Charioteer - Renault
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-17
Updated: 2010-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanarobi/pseuds/hanarobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ralph and Laurie each have a day where they end up with women in their arms and bread on the table.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Loaf of Bread and Thou

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laura Mason (lorie945)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Laura+Mason+%28lorie945%29).



> I wrote this story for the _For Lorie_ project, for our dear friend Laura Mason who was fighting ovarian cancer. It is a continuation of Lorie's Long Ago and Far Away, her fic based on Mary Renault's The Charioteer, where she imagined what would happen if Ralph and Laurie had moved to America after the war.
> 
> Major thank you's to the betas that help me so much with this story: Slipperieslope, Baranduin, Vshendria, and my RL friend Lois

Laurie set the linen-wrapped bundle on the kitchen table, staring at it for a moment. When it became obvious that it wasn't going to just go away on its own, he turned away. He didn't want to be anywhere near the thing. He lit the burner on the stovetop and went through the routine of making tea. He was going to his study to mark essays and would just deal with everything when Ralph came home.

**********

That's enough tea for one day, Ralph thought, swallowing the cold dregs of his umpteenth cup. What he needed was a good brisk walk, something to clear the cobwebs. He had been tucked away in his 'office', a small desk in the corner of the newspaper building, for hours, taking only the quick break for lunch. Writing to deadline wasn't exactly new, but he was having trouble getting the pieces of this particular story to fit together. He stood and stretched, flexing his left hand, warding off the cramps that came from too much typing. As he twisted and stretched, he could feel a different ache deep within him, a welcomed reminder of just how demanding and aggressive Laurie could be at times. He felt his body awakening, wanting more. He quietly laughed at himself, knowing that however much he might want Laurie at this moment, it would do him no good. Laurie was on campus, doing the job he loved, and Ralph's body would just have to be patient.

He locked the notes and draft away in a drawer of his desk. A quick clean-up of the overused tea cup, pens put in their holder, and his desk was left in pristine condition. Military routine left its mark on even the most slovenly of men and Ralph Lanyon had been precise in his habits long before the Royal Navy ever got its claws into him. He took his light overcoat off its peg and exited the smoky cave of the Wrightsville Record office, going out into the late afternoon sunshine.

He walked aimlessly at first, no sense of direction guiding him, just covering ground. And though he hardly allowed himself the thought, and would certainly never say it out loud to Laurie, Ralph did love a good brisk walk. The accommodation on his part of slowing his pace to allow Laurie to keep up with him was as natural now as breathing, but today, with Laurie off at work, Ralph allowed his natural long-legged stride to eat up the distances.

It was not a foolish desire to see his lover that directed him towards the campus. Certainly not. It was the velvet green hills of the campus grounds and the trees just beginning to turn with the first crisp of autumn. It was hard to believe they were well into their second year in Wrightsville. After all the turmoil and grief of the murders connected with the Damson family, and Robert Damson's reticence regarding continuing the friendship with Ralph and Laurie, they had been left pretty much to themselves. Ralph had settled into his job at the newspaper office, writing both personal memoirs of his travels as well as occasional investigative pieces.

Laurie had excelled, as Ralph had known he would, at teaching and was even getting articles of his own prepared for publication. While Robert had been their original contact and entrance into Wrightsville society, Laurie's colleagues in the Classics Department had proven to be a congenial group and Ralph's job at the Record, combined with his natural propensity for striking up conversations with complete strangers, had provided them with more than adequate social opportunities.

They had taken the summer off and driven across their adopted homeland for weeks, seeing the Dakotas and ultimately Yellowstone National Park. Life was good for them here. Ralph paused and looked around him, taking it all in.

Fighting the temptation to go see Laurie, knowing that he would just be interrupting, Ralph headed instead for the far edge of campus. There were benches even this far out from the main building of Merrimac College, but in Ralph's experience, they were typically unoccupied, thus he was surprised to see a figure sitting on one of the benches. He was even more surprised when he realized who it was.

********

Laurie made his way back into the kitchen, the desire for tea and a break from marking essays overriding his desire to avoid the linen-wrapped bundle. He was still in a state of mild shock over the behavior of the young woman earlier today, when she had literally thrown herself into his arms after telling him how much she admired him and then pressed the package of baked breads into his hands. Startled, he had returned her embrace without thought, concentrating primarily on making sure the baked goods were not squished between them.

As he looked at the baked goods, he could hear her words so clearly in his mind. Gee, Mr. Odell, it's just that you're so swell. Marvellous, he thought to himself, I'm swell. I'll have to remember to tell Ralph that he'll need to appreciate me more.

It had been so awkward, peeling the enthusiastic young woman away from his body, then having to grab for the desk when her clinging caused him to shift his weight too suddenly to his bad leg, threatening to send them both crashing to the floor.

He became angry then, more from the embarrassment of having had his crippled state made so obvious than from any real ire at the silly young girl. But he had spoken harshly and then had been stunned that she had merely giggled in response, remarking that she loved to listen to his accent. He wasn't sure if this was a generational thing, an American thing, or just a truly unpleasant young woman, but he didn't care to sort it out. He just wanted her gone.

Not quite knowing what else to do, he had removed her hand from his chest, where she kept insisting on putting it, gathered up the bread, and thanked her as formally as he knew how.

Then, lying about being late for a meeting with a student, he had simply fled. He had come straight home and had his cup of tea. It hadn't really helped. Until Ralph got home and he could replace the feel of that woman's hands against him with the feel of Ralph's, he didn't think much would. Nevertheless, he got a second cup of tea and returned to his study. No matter what else was going on in his life, it seemed that there would always be essays to mark.

******  
Susan's face, when she turned in response to Ralph's hail, was the face of someone who had been crying long and hard. "Ralph!" she gasped, and then fell into his arms as he moved to sit beside her on the bench.

"Susan, Susan, hush. Whatever is the matter?"

"It's Henry. And Jack. Oh, Ralph, it's all so dreadful. And Father shouldn't have to deal with any more and then more just keeps happening!"

"Slow down, there's my girl, and tell me what's happened."

Susan gulped and sniffled. She twisted her small, lacy handkerchief in her hands. Ralph noticed that it was pretty much useless at this point, but as he reached for his own, Susan began to talk and the words came tumbling out so quickly that he knew the thing to do was to just let her talk.

"Father and Henry got a call a few days ago, from the place where Jack is. They said that Jack had tried to kill himself. He…he had…he slit his wrists. He almost died before they found him. He's not doing well, not at all. They think he'll live but they said they couldn't tell what kind of man he would be when he comes to. And then, the very next day, Father woke up to find a note from Henry, saying he just couldn't stay anymore and that he was leaving and didn't know where he was going and not to look for him. That's when Father called me to come home. I left as soon as I could and have been here for two days now. We haven't heard a word from him. Nothing at all."

At the last statement, the flood of tears started again. As Ralph moved to comfort her, she held up her hand, stopping him.

"Oh, but I haven't even told you the worst of it."

"Take your time, Susan. I'll stay with you as long as you need."

"Father told me…," She paused to get her breath and to sniffle, "he said, that…oh, god…he said that Henry left because of Jack. He told me that Henry had feelings. I don't understand, Ralph."

Ralph felt a familiar coldness close about him. Shouldn't get complacent, Lanyon. You know better. He put his arm around Susan and she allowed him to hold her closely. He said, "I'm sorry about Jack. And sorry for Henry."

"He really does love Jack, doesn't he? I had no idea. All that time and I was so blind. Daddy knew all along, I think. He understood. And now… oh, Ralph, poor Henry! He's just gone and there's nothing to do to make it better."

Ralph held the sobbing Susan against his chest, his arms resting comfortably around her small, slender frame. He laid his cheek against the top of her head, whispering calming nonsense. He wasn't really worried about Susan or Henry. Not even worried about Jack. People brought trouble upon themselves or it dropped on them out of nowhere. The war had taught him that the most he could hope for was to take care of what was his and that meant Laurie.

Susan fought to control her tears and gratefully took the handkerchief that Ralph pulled from his pocket.

"Why is it that men always have one of these just when we women need one?" Susan asked, trying to lighten the mood, drying the tears that were still spilling over.

"All part and parcel of being a woman's knight in shining armor. All the men are doing it these days, you know."

"Even Laurie?"

Ralph tilted his head at the tone of Susan's question, but carried on as if they were engaging in the mindless cheerful social banter of casual acquaintances.

"Oh, yes. Odell is one of the most gallant men around. He has loads of these things, just waiting to be called into service."

Susan laughed lightly, sniffling a bit. With a final wipe of her eyes, she held out the cloth to Ralph.

"No, no. Keep it. You can return it some other time. Keep it until you are home. Besides, I'll just steal one from Laurie. He's very good about sharing."

"Is he? And do the two of you share all things?"

Ralph had had enough and took Susan by the shoulders, turning her to face him. Tilting her chin up with his thumb and forefinger, he looked directly into her eyes. "Is there something you want to ask me, Susan?"

The tears were beginning again, but Susan simply nodded. "Are you and Laurie…are the two of you…?" She paused for a deep breath. "Do you understand Henry?"

"What you are asking me is if Laurie and I are committing a crime that could lead to both of us being imprisoned and our lives destroyed. Do you really expect me to answer that?"

Susan pulled her head away, looking down at the ground. "I just need to know that Henry will be okay, the way that Laurie and you are okay. I want to know that he can be happy being the way he is." There was a pause. "The way that you are."

Ralph looked off into the distance. He knew where the sea was—he always knew, both instinctively and as ingrained knowledge. There was always an escape for him if he needed it. For both of them. The world was a very big place, but he knew it wasn't what they wanted. Despite the tensions with the Damson family and the murders that it had taken Queen to resolve, Wrightsville was where they wanted to be. He knew that Laurie was happy here, delighted with the opportunity to be the professor he had always wanted to be.

They were content. It sounded so simple, yet had come at a tremendous price. The trouble with the House, so many years ago now. Then the war, with the horror of Dunkirk. Both of them crippled and disfigured. There had been Andrew. And Bunny. All the misunderstandings. To this day, Ralph wasn't sure if Laurie knew how close it had been at the end. And even still, there were those moments when he was sure that he had been Laurie's second choice after all.

But for all that, he wanted to stay, to keep all that he had, to have Laurie in his life and in his bed. He turned his gaze back to Susan.  
"I am sorry about Henry, sorry that he's hurting and that he felt he had to leave. But I am not sorry that he's like me. Like Laurie."

He was looking her in the eye, making sure that she knew how much risk he was taking in talking to her in such plain terms. "I need you to be very clear about this, Susan. I'm not sorry that Henry is queer; I am, however, sorry that he doesn't have a Laurie of his own to love. It is unfortunate, for a number of reasons, that he loves Jack, but not once will I say to you that one of those reasons is that Jack is a man."

 

"I feel I should be doing something for Henry, but there isn't anything, is there? There's nothing I can do for him and nothing I can do for Laurie and you."

 

"You're being a friend, even though you know our secret. You're being his sister, not turning away from him, even though you know his secret. He'll be back in touch one day, sooner than you think, and knowing that you know and that you accept him will mean the world to him. That's all he really needs, Susan, just to know that you still think of him as your brother."

 

"How do …I mean, with two men, how…oh, dear, I'm being terribly rude, aren't I?"

 

"Yes, my dear girl, you are, but I'll answer you anyway. Come now, you're studying to be a nurse, you probably know most of this already, at least on some level. Basically it's friction, can't put it much plainer than that. But that's just the mechanics. When I'm intimate with Laurie, it's beautiful, Susan. It's absolutely beautiful. It always is when you truly love someone. I hope that one day you find this out for yourself. And I hope the same for Henry as well. Tell him I said so when you talk to him. And trust me, you will.

 

"And while I'm dishing out advice like an old agony aunt, know this: the trick to being happy isn't to have someone love you, but to have someone who'll let you love them. The joy of my life isn't that Laurie loves me, as wonderful as that is, but that he lets me love him. And when you do find someone whom you love, remember that and be kind; let them love you in return."

 

********

Ralph closed the door to their home behind him, and then headed for the kitchen. As he entered, he noticed the rather lumpy bundle on the table. Pulling it towards him, he unwrapped the linen cloth enough to see that inside were three loaves of dark sweet bread, one of which was definitely apple and he suspected that one of the others was carrot. He breathed in, enjoying the aromas, and wondered from where they had come.

"Spud! You home?"

His answer came to him in the sound of Laurie's halting steps making their way towards him. He could tell by the heaviness of the gait that Laurie had been sitting too long at his desk. Ralph shook the kettle to make sure that there was enough water for two cups, noticing that the kettle was still warm, and lit the stove.

Laurie stopped at the doorway to the kitchen and leaned against the door frame, pulling his leg slightly, stretching it and loosening it up.  
"I held a young woman in my arms today," he said as his greeting.

Ralph looked up from where he had been examining the loaves, trying to determine the variety of the last one. "Was she crying by any chance? Mine was."

"Wait, you held a woman in your arms today? That was supposed to be my big news. And no, mine was giggling."

"Well, mine was crying. And, Spud, it was Susan."

"Susan? But she's in Boston. She's back? And why was she crying? God, Ralph, what's happened?"

"It's Jack. And Henry. Jack tried to kill himself. He's going to pull through but it won't be pretty. When Henry heard, he just left. Left a note saying that he simply couldn't stay. Robert called for Susan to come home until they can locate him."

Laurie limped the rest of the way into the kitchen and slumped down into one of the chairs. "God, what that family has gone through."

"True enough. Here, drink your tea and tell me about this woman of yours. Should I be jealous and packing my bags?"

Laurie jerked his head up, looking at Ralph in horror. "Don't joke, Ralph. Don't ever joke, not about that. I couldn't bear it if you left and I would never betray you. And certainly not with that woman!" He reached out and grasped Ralph's hands as they were curled around his mug.  
Ralph couldn't help but laugh at the horror Laurie seemed to have over this mysterious woman.

"Not even when she can bake such delicious stuff as this?" Ralph held up the one loaf that he still could not identify. He sniffed it again and then got up to get a knife to cut a piece.

"It's sweet potato bread. At least, that's what she said."

Ralph paused. Sweet potato bread? That was a new one. Nothing to do but to taste it then and find out.

"This is delicious," he mumbled around a mouthful. "I say you marry her—whatever her name is. What is it, anyway?"

Calmed by Ralph's obvious lack of concern, Laurie relaxed a bit and allowed the tension of the whole unpleasant episode to fade a little.  
"Adelaide Stimmerson. Her brother is one of my students and she met me while here visiting him. She's become quite smitten apparently and is a very determined young lady. Here, look!" Laurie flipped the linen cloth over and showed Ralph the embroidery in the corner. In a very fine, precise hand, the words Mr. O'Dell had been stitched into the cloth.

"And don't you dare laugh," he warned.

"She's got it wrong." Ralph said, making a damn good show of not laughing.

"Yes, thank you, I had noticed that."

"I suppose you could be a bit of a prick and return it to her all because she dared to use the apostrophe. That might put her off a bit. Although with a name like hers, I can see why she might want to exchange it for something a bit less cumbersome."

"You could be taking this more seriously."

"Lighten up, Spud. It's just a schoolgirl's fancy. It'll pass."

"A schoolgirl's fancy? Is that anything like a schoolboy's fancy? Mine never did pass, you know." There was a look between them, remembering. "And she's the same age I was when you gave me your copy of the Phaedrus."

"The same age you were when you were going to bring the whole House down to its knees in my defense, weren't you, Spud?"

"I was so young. I can't think what I thought I would accomplish."

"So is she."

"You weren't young, though, were you? Not at nineteen."

"Spuddy, I was never young."

Laurie just looked at him. His Ralph. So beautiful. More so now than when he was that nineteen-year old or when Ralph had been twenty-seven and they had met up again that fateful night of Alec and Sandy's party.  
And somehow, unbelievable to him after all they had gone through, this wonderful, loving man stood in 'their' kitchen, laughing at him over some baked breads and a piece of embroidered linen.

"Come on, Spud, spill. What's got you in such a twist? Can't just be a few loaves of bread."

"It's the assumptions. She made them; everyone else will, eventually. We'll be expected to take wives at some point, Ralph. How long do you think we can keep this up?" Laurie waved his hand around the kitchen, and Ralph understood that he meant so much more.

"Spud." Ralph took the hand that Laurie was waving about, and brought it to his lips, kissing Laurie's fingers. "Don't go borrowing trouble. We're fine right now. And we will stay fine."

"How? How will we stay fine? There will be questions. What do we do when the questions start?"

"Well, for one thing, we're foreigners here. No one really knows how we are supposed to behave. That gives us a lot of leeway. I say we take advantage of the natives."

Laurie smiled at Ralph's nonsense and drank his tea. He was beginning to wonder at himself for being so upset in the first place. Sitting here in their kitchen, talking things over with Ralph, his world settled down. He needed to remember this new and wondrous part of his life, that Ralph was his and he didn't have to face things alone ever again.

 

"And for another," Ralph continued, "we have the Damsons on our side. Especially now. Robert and Susan know about Henry and they are worried for him instead of turning their backs on him. Besides, I know that Robert is tolerant of our kind. Bletchley was full of us, though no one was supposed to know. But Turing and Newman were there with me and Robert worked side by side with all of us for months. Hear the trumpets, Spud, Robert already knows about me. So he knows about you as well. And did even before he made the job offer."

 

Laurie stared at Ralph, torn between relief and horror. "You've known all along that Robert knows and you never told me?"

 

"I don't know, not for sure. I just don't really see how he could not know. And since he offered you the job, I just had to assume he didn't care. And now that we've met Henry, I think it's safe to say that a father saw the truth about his son and accepted it long before the son did."

Ralph paused a moment, remembering that it was to the distraught Henry that Robert had gone, rather than Susan, when Jack had been led away in handcuffs after Queen's dénouement.

"It may be because of Henry that Robert offered you your job despite knowing about me," he continued.

 

"I honestly don't know if I feel safer or just more exposed now," Laurie said with a small laugh.

 

"Feel safe, Spud. We'll be fine."

"Will we, Ralph? Can you promise that?"

"No, I can't. You know that. But I can promise you that I will be here and we will see things through together, no matter what."

 

Laurie reached out and took Ralph's hands in his. "Together. I like that. 'A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou'."

"Well, if we can substitute a pot of tea for the jug of wine, I'd say we were set."

"We can and we are. I love you."

Over the loaves of bread, they kissed.

**Author's Note:**

> Historical Side Note: Bletchley Park is a real place. It is where the British did the code-breaking work that contributed greatly to their winning the war. Alan Turing, credited with doing the majority of the mathematical work necessary to break the code, was a homosexual. His homosexuality was a widely known secret. There is some solid historical evidence that his supervisor at Bletchley, although married, was also a homosexual. After the war, Turing was arrested for "gross indecency" (his homosexuality came to light after he reported a robbery committed by a rentboy he had brought home with him), forced to undergo estrogen therapy (in order to reduce his libido), and two year later committed suicide by eating an apple laced with cyanide.


End file.
